Table Of Contents
This post is my own thoughts / views of my own life suffering with an addictive personality
Disclosure / Warning. this post contains content that may make others uncomfortable. in this post, I will be talking about my experiences with different types of addictions and my addictive personality both past and present including drugs, gambling, compulsive shopping, Pain/self-harm. this is an overview! and not in detailed stories. (unless enough interest is shown)
being addicted comes in many forms, and in all forms its a very destructive behaviour. either to our health, finance or to ones close by to us. because what we can’t forget is addiction is not just a curse for the person addicted but it affects people around them.
Gambling Addiction
the Flamingo Arcade, Margate Beach. even to this day, the urges are crazy walking past.
my addictive personality started back when I was around 7 (that I remember) and this was with gambling my pocket money down in the seafront arcades. some people argue that this was not an addiction but at one point I and my brother had stolen money off our mum just to get down to the arcades… and of course lose money!
even to this day I struggle with gambling and avoid it completely… but every day walking past it to get to work is a temptation that I battle with
compulsive Shopping addiction !
A Stock Image From Pixabay
like most people I’m always spending money, if I’ve got it I will try and spend it. either by buying so much of one product or investing in stuff I don’t really need or use. this started more as I grew up and had my own budget around 15. and got worse when I was able to get my first credit card “The Curse!” but I am slowly getting better with this by putting my money into fixed and secure investment platforms. as well as paying off debts and locking myself out of these accounts to remove the temptation to use credit cards.
Pain/self harm addiction?
whilst growing up the pain was inflicted on me both by adults and other young people. although this was damaged after a while I got used to it… in fact in school, I was well known “For Not Feeling Pain” although this was not entirely true, I had mastered a way to numb/blank it out. and this was mainly because I was getting an adrenalin rush which if anything after a while I got addicted on…. it made me feel good, and it numbed my brain, but this developed into self-harm which happened in various extremities and times during the ages of 9 until 18. this is something I don’t desire anymore neither am i able to Numb out the pain as im no longer in constant conflict with others.
The incident at school that lead to my hospitalization.
substance abuse addiction
I’m currently coming to the realization of an issue with substance abuse, and it’s steam from when I was growing up and bombarded on drugs I didn’t need (read “A Medicated Mess” ) and because of the massive taboo I have to be careful with this one. in the past, I’ve had addictions with many things some of the worst are legal highs, nicotine, cannabis and caffeine. two of which are legal!
I have now thankfully tackled my issues with Legal highs which was a two-year struggle and caused me to become Homeless but beforehand I already had issues with nicotine and cannabis. but after taking legal highs it was the only thing I needed. thankfully with lots of shocks to my reality and a realization of wasted time I made it a priority to “Cold-Turkey” out of the addiction after a few months and the first two being the worst I was able to be clean from legal highs.. (for almost 4 years now!)
but nicotine and cannabis resumed soon after. as of the beginning of this year, I’ve been in a fight with myself to completely get rid of both tobacco products by using a vape. and cannabis. (which has been easy due to a prior 2 years of struggling on and off to reduce my intake and dosages.)
caffeine is something that has been with me since a young age (i had my first “Energy Drink” around 8 years old!) and although I want to rid all toxins and live a life away from temptation and in sobriety I’m finding it a fear that leaving caffeine and my vape behind will be its hardest… and my biggest fear is i will search for a more dangerous replacement…
Living with an addictive personality
its hard living with an addictive personality i always find myself covering up one addiction for another or managing multiple addictions at the same time. i’m no longer a substence abuser. i’m far from true sobritery though as i still smoke my ecig and ocasionally drink. but i find myself struggling with sugar, or the next best thing to buy. my addictive personality has left me to be constantly battling debt. £6.5k as off the latest update (3 april 2021)
A Message From Li Jean-Luc Harris
Thanks for reading this part of the ever-growing collection of My Life Stories I think its a common occurrence of me saying that I find each post harder and harder to write and this is probably due to me jumping into darker areas of my life. and for me to still look and feel professional knowing potential employers/customers could be viewing this content. but the aim is truly to paint a picture of positivity my story is still untold and as it’s built up you will see how far I have come.
if anyone is wanting me to write about this in more depth. let me know in the comments! i love hearing from you all on social media and directly through my site.
Thank you once again for taking the time to read this story :)
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