I love my family with all my heart but i was born with an inherited fault. One that has been passed down the family tree on both sides. My mum and dad both had a rough start to their childhood because of parenting style. or rebelliousness, i note that this is not their fault as they have suffered their own traumas in childhood. but i wish to open my family’s and friends’ eyes on how they can also escape the cycle of being a product of generational trauma and start breaking negative learned behaviours
What is generational trauma?
Studies have started to show, that trauma can be inherited through the ages. If you have ever felt depressed and its persisted since childhood. Especially if you don’t know why. It’s very likely you could be suffering from generational trauma and you should look into your parents’ life. Was they depressed? Did they suffer from trauma?
I’ve found this video below on YouTube and it really goes into the ins and outs, and speaks about ways we can overcome traumatic experiences too. Better than I can explain.
how generational trauma affected me
- I lived a very chaotic childhood with multiple moves between family members. I’ve witnessed a lot of arguments and violence and have even been subject to physical violence / emotional abuse and neglect.
- I could not manage my emotions, i often had to make myself numb to protect myself from negativity
- I have an addictive personality and use substances to deal with stress. This includes right now, Nicotine and in the past has also been Cannabis, and Legal Highs
but I was determined to break the cycle of generational trauma
As soon as they placed me into my second foster care placement. I had to readjust to life as everything I had thought to be in a “normal” family was challenged. my second foster carers did an amazing job of showing me how a family should function and that constant chaotic situations and violence were not normal. They could also nurture and give me some quality one-to-one time. Which allowed them to work on my needs. At this point, i set out to make sure i don’t go down the same path of generational trauma and try break the cycle. And I started telling myself “I will not go down the same path as my family”
How I broke the cycle of trauma.
I Have not completely broken my trauma cycle, but i often refer to the following graphic which shows me where i am on a particular healing process
This image reminds me I need to overcome my past and confront my issues. If not, the trauma cycle will repeat and repeat. This is why i mainly started posting my Life stories to this blog. As it was a way for me to express my grief and put it too bad (per say) I still suffer badly with my mental health at times. I don’t handle stress well at all. And often need to take breaks to insure I can focus on my own mental health so I’m able to pro-actively help others.
Surrendering to your past. As much as it hurts, it can’t be changed. You don’t always have to forgive but, it’s important to accept that what happened to us has happened. And no matter how much we grieve or think about the situation and trauma we are in. We can not change these.
Once you feel like you’ve broken the cycle and healed. It’s great to reflect. Reflecting on these situations allows us to better gain experience in healing in future traumas. And helps us build better resistance. And allows us to recognise more easily when we are falling into the trauma circle.
How Am I Managing now?
I’m not sure if I will ever be completely healed. Scars remain, but I look at them as battle wounds now. I can’t change what happened. But I can only help and protect the future generation from going through and making similar mistakes. If you’re struggling, just know you’re not alone. Take steps and actions to start your process of healing. Be brave and overcome. You don’t need to be trapped within the trauma circle. it will hurt to break the cycle. But ultimately, you will heal and be a stronger person. And will be less likely to pass on trauma to the future generations.